just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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