We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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