I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
