i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
