So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
