Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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