no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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