i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
