Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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