Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
