his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
