I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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