remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
