I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
