The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
