Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
