dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
