Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
