so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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