can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
