i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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