sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
