Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
