WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this will be a night to untag.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We need to get me chipped asap
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
