So drunk its hurt
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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