im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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