I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
