I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
