Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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