by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
