Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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