absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
