My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so let's talk penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
