nut hugger
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
