no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
