Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
