I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
