he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
