Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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