this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize