Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We need a shit load of segways right now
this hospital has no fireball
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
