I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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