Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize