My first STD was from a foam party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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