I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Randomize
