Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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