What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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