Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
