I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
