Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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