just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
