Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
