They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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