I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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