she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pants are for mortals
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
