i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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