So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize