Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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