And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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