my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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