saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
