i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
