dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
