i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
