i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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