You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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