i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
