No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
