dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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