Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
