the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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