Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
