i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
