he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
