there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize